This post his difficult to write.  Because it's raw.  It's painful.  So, I'm writing it to God, and allowing you to peer into my world for just a moment, because writing is how I best process my thoughts.

God, I'm going to be honest here. 
With every keystroke. 
I'm just not that into You right now.
I know You don't need me to say it, because You already know it by my behaviors. 
I know it must hurt to read this.
It hurts to even write these words, knowing You're reading them. 
I'd be crushed if my wife or one of my sons said the same to me. 
So, I know You must be crushed, too.

I don't know why I feel this way. 
Maybe it's the lack of use of a gift You've given me. 
It has been sitting like a rusty tool on the bottom of a tool cabinet. 
It hasn't been picked up and dusted off. 
It's decaying. 
Maybe that's why.

Or, maybe it's because of some skepticism I'm experiencing. 
Maybe doubts are sowing seeds that are taking root, growing into weeds that clutter my mind and rob me of joy. 
Maybe that's why.
I don't know.

Or, maybe it's because I need to be wooed all over again. 
I trust what You've said is true, and that you've done a ton to woo me already. 
You've won me, but I'm drifting. 
Maybe I need something more. 
Not a gigantic miracle, but something real. 
Something that tells me, "I'm here.  I'm with you.  I still believe in you."

Please don't give up on me.
Please don't abandon me.
I'm sorry for hurting you.
Pursue me.
Catch me.


  1. Peace be with you.

    There is no greater wrestling that a man does than that which is within himself. It turns a man in on himself, and takes his focus away from the Lord and puts it on himself. The Christian need not go looking for such struggles and strife. The devil, the world, and his own sinful flesh will work tirelessly to bring them upon him.

    When they come, take heart and lift up your head. Sin, death, and the devil were not overcome by magnificent power or show of might; they were overcome when a sinless man suffered and died. The resurrection is the victory lap, but the battle was already finished. Sin could not overcome him; death could not contain him; the devil utterly lost.

    Still they plant seeds of doubt and suffering in the lives of every Christian, but the man of God knows that in the end the Lord, the Redeemer, lives. He lives and shall stand at last on the earth. After our skin is destroyed, in our flesh we shall see God, for ourselves, with our own eyes.

    Christ is risen; he is yours.

  2. Thank you. It is a good reminder of the finality of victory that already occurred at Calvary. Thank you!

  3. I hope you find not just what you're looking for, but maybe even what you need.

    I know it's early, but in case I'm not back over here before the holidays, Merry Christmas, Mike.

  4. Bret, thank you, my friend. And Merry Christmas to you!